Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Being Angry

I think this may help with the previous conversation about issues with spouses.

Check it out see what you think. Josh's Grandma sent this to me awhile ago and I have been trying to figure out how to paste it here! Thanks Jason!!



I am on Dr. Weil's list for Daily Tip, and sometimes he has something
really good. The tip for today was about forgiveness. When you click on
the link, you can read the responses other people wrote. I've copied here
the response that I liked best.
.............
Author Doyba:
Being angry with someone because we believe their actions or inactions have
prevented us from getting what we want or need, is a common reaction in
life. We seemed to be born with the ability to be angry in order to get our
needs met. As a baby we cry when we are hungry, wet, or need to be held.
And if there is a loving person attending to our needs, we find that being
angry often gets us what we want. Eventually we learn that this is not the
only way to get what we want or need. There are times when we sense that we
have lost something that we had, and we become sad. It seems to me to be
anger turned inward because we realize that we don't always control events
in our lives. In fact, when we sense that we have no control over a
situation in our lives we become fearful. Fear appears to be the underlying
emotion of anger and sadness. Yet, when we feel that all of our needs at a
particular moment are being met, we experience many positive feelings such
as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, and gentleness. We
seem to be "healthy" when we reach this state.

The belief that we need to continue to be angry and upset with someone in
order get what we want is a childish notion. At its core is a belief that
how we feel in a situation is dependent on what is happening outside of
ourselves. Forgiveness is a choice to take control from within. It
recognizes that in order to be reach a state of "healthiness" we need to
stop blaming others for how we feel and accept the fact we control how we
feel.

Interestingly, Christians often recite the Lord's Prayer asking for
forgiveness just as they forgive others. It recognizes that our sense of
being forgiven is related to our choice to forgive. I like the expanded
meaning of the Aramaic (the language Jesus spoke) of the words in this
prayer. They suggest an image of untying knots so that only a simple bond
of love exists between ourselves and others. It is related to the
understanding that we are spiritual beings on a human journey and not human
beings on a spiritual journey.
..........................
You can find other responses here:
http://forums.drweil.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=drwdailytip&msg=495.1&ctx=0



>Dr Weil 08.07.2005
> Today's Tip
>Learning to Forgive
>
>Forgiveness is beneficial not only mentally but physically as well. People
>who forgive tend to be less angry, depressed, stressed out and anxious,
>and have lower blood pressure and heart rates than those who hold grudges.
>If you tend to have a hard time letting go of a grievance, consider that
>forgiveness does not mean you have to forget an incident, but rather that
>you can place a limit on how it affects you and your relationship with
>another, and that you benefit from the process as much as the person with
>whom you have the grudge.
>

7 comments:

Autumn said...

That last part is a great definition of forgiveness! By the way, I deleted the "controversial" post regarding spouses a couple days ago. Sorry.

Grammabear said...

Hi, I missed the controversial post! But anyway, anger is a very interesting topic, something we all need to work on from time to time. Here's an interesting website http://www.heytom.net/index.php that answers questions from a man's perspective, it is a takeoff from http://www.flylady.com/ which I've been on for a while and really like both of these.

Grammabear (Josh's grandmother)

Jason said...

I couldn't really read what you pasted in there, so I have copied it, fixed it, and repasted it here:

Being angry with someone because we believe their actions or inactions have prevented us from getting what we want or need, is a common reaction in life. We seemed to be born with the ability to be angry in order to get our needs met. As a baby we cry when we are hungry, wet, or need to be held. And if there is a loving person attending to our needs, we find that being angry often gets us what we want. Eventually we learn that this is not the only way to get what we want or need. There are times when we sense that we have lost something that we had, and we become sad. It seems to me to be anger turned inward because we realize that we don't always control events in our lives. In fact, when we sense that we have no control over a situation in our lives we become fearful. Fear appears to be the underlying emotion of anger and sadness. Yet, when we feel that all of our needs at a particular moment are being met, we experience many positive feelings such as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, and gentleness. We seem to be "healthy" when we reach this state.

The belief that we need to continue to be angry and upset with someone in order get what we want is a childish notion. At its core is a belief that how we feel in a situation is dependent on what is happening outside of ourselves. Forgiveness is a choice to take control from within. It recognizes that in order to be reach a state of "healthiness" we need to stop blaming others for how we feel and accept the fact we control how we feel.

Interestingly, Christians often recite the Lord's Prayer asking for forgiveness just as they forgive others. It recognizes that our sense of being forgiven is related to our choice to forgive. I like the expanded meaning of the Aramaic (the language Jesus spoke) of the words in this prayer. They suggest an image of untying knots so that only a simple bond of love exists between ourselves and others. It is related to the understanding that we are spiritual beings on a human journey and not human beings on a spiritual journey.

-----------------------
Learning to Forgive

Forgiveness is beneficial not only mentally but physically as well. People who forgive tend to be less angry, depressed, stressed out and anxious, and have lower blood pressure and heart rates than those who hold grudges. If you tend to have a hard time letting go of a grievance, consider that forgiveness does not mean you have to forget an incident, but rather that you can place a limit on how it affects you and your relationship with another, and that you benefit from the process as much as the person with whom you have the grudge.

Jason said...

By the way, this post is really, really funny because it is called "Being Ang". At first I didn't get it, then I thought it was a reference to Angela, then I realized it was supposed to say "Being Angry", but finally I decided that it was funnier to think that it was a reference to Angela.

Autumn said...

Grammabear!!! Have we met? I am also a Flybaby for several years running...also moderator of the FLYingInCleveland group. :)

Grammabear said...

Hi Autumn,

We might have met at Josh and Donna's wedding, if you were there, but we probably wouldn't remember each other from that.

I just love FlyLady! I learned about it from Josh's mom a few years ago, and have gradually incorporated more and more of the princples and practices.

What do you think of Hey Tom!? It sounds like lots of wives have difficulty understanding their husbands - and Tom is very helpful. :D

Autumn said...

I just looked at Hey Tom! today before you mentioned it. :) I was looking at Flylady's "tree house" with a little bit of envy. You might have seen it, too. There is some really helpful advice on that site!