Tuesday, March 29, 2011


It seems I sit here and dream so much. Yet it seems like those dreams keep getting pushed away. All of them. I am so grateful for all I have, don't get me wrong. Things aren't peaches and cream but things aren't disastrous either. I know so many people have it worse than me. But how long can one wait for the dreams that have been put in their heart?? Some people can look at me and say I have what they want. I have 2 healthy, beautiful children, a 10+ year marriage that is pretty good (we all have little things to work on, so I cant say its perfect, we are happy and in love and that is the main thing). . My dream right now it to make a difference, to be someone and feel like I have accomplished something more than getting through each day.

Do you understand? I don't know if I do really. =)

I want to adopt. I want a new kitchen (the white floors, the white cabinets and 10 inches of counter space drive me to insanity daily). I want to go on a nice vacation. I want to know how to be a better mom and wife, because I'm sick of failing daily.

I have so many friendships I want to make better, but seem like I keep getting pushed away from those as well. Am I the only one with time for others??

I guess I'm just in one of those depressed places in life. I'm sure it wont last long. I know I will be fine, just need to get stuff out and then the feeling better starts.

Friday, March 25, 2011

LONG day

Today is the day we decided to snake our basement drain. It has been backed up since Wednesday. It went down quite a bit but it is at standstill and hasn't gone done anymore since Thursday morning. My wonderful husband worked all day long trying to get it done himself, but we just don't have a snake big or strong enough. We resorted to calling a plumber who will be here in the morning. $200 some dollars later I hope the problem is no longer a problem.

I am thankful that this isn't worse, I know so many of you have experiences much worse. Nothing was ruined and the water is not coming up (it is not sewage) it just isn't going down. So after my little hissy fit this afternoon. I am thankful even in the midst of this hardship. We will get through this!

Tonight I will cuddle on the couch with my husband and a blanket, and my dog and a glass of wine...and if I was a connoisseur I would enjoy a nice cigar, maybe I could get some padron cigars for sale. but Im not so my cheap wine will do!!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Im there...

I'm 30. I am almost 1 week past being 30, you wait for the moment, maybe cringe, maybe look forward to, then it is done and past before you know it! My birthday weekend was GREAT. I just wish the fun could have lasted longer, but atlas, you need to move on from the celebrating and get on with life.

Still pondering whether I will get a job or not. Being turned down is a hard pill to swallow. I know that just because one bitchy lady didn't like me doesn't mean the rest of the world wont love me. Trying to decide what I really want to do. I don't want a career but I don't just want a job either. The American Red Cross trains for LPNs through a free program, so I might just look into that to see if it is something I like, nursing has always been in the back of my head, but the excuse of blood freaks me out, always come tot he front of my head. Maybe I should try LPN, and go from there, maybe I will see I can do medical stuff (and maybe I can wear a cute nursing uniforms...haha)...and maybe it will confirm I can't. And I know LPN's don't do a ton, but maybe that is just perfect for me...who knows...what can free training hurt??

Off to get ready for a lunch with a blog friend, how fun??? We celebrate birthdays very close to one another! And I cannot wait to see this beautiful woman who has lost a ton of weight since last time I saw her (a year ago sadly)...YEAH YOU!!! ;)