Thursday, September 11, 2008

Keeping it REAL

I usually don't have stories of how much I enjoy being at home with my kids and how we have so much fun and how we are a perfect family, because, it isn't like that for me. I know I wouldn't be able to work and then come home and be a mom, that be too much. I wish there was an in between.

I love my children with all that I am, and do way too much for them, but I just have a hard time enjoying the hard times.

I have had an awful day today. AWFUL. Ethan has pushed every button and been defiant in EVERY way possible. My head hurts, I cannot think straight. This is NOT fun or enjoyable in any way shape or form...well I guess it is easier to enjoy Merci, since she hasn't gotten on my wrong side yet.

I know I am truly blessed, I HAVE kids, I CAN stay at home (barely, but we manage), I HAVE a family.....

The list goes on. I just have a hard time. I am not sure why.
There is some wall I need to break through or something.

The days are not always like this, there are sunshine and rainbow days, but I find them few and far between.

Maybe I have a hard time realizing all my own flaws when I see them come out in my kids, maybe that is what makes it so hard.

I feel like all I do is correct, correct, correct.
I feel like a monster, I feel like a mean mom,
will I ever see FRUIT???


Mike and Amy said...

yes! yes! yes! you will see fruit and i bet there is fruit to be seen even now. actually i know there is - you are a GREAT mom and that is what reflects on your kids.

Stam House said...

Yes children are a blessing but a blessing with huge reposabilities!!!! The outcome or fruits are from the Lord but the process is in your hand so be there for the process and pray about the outcome


Jenna said...

Just wanted to let you know Donna that no one has lots of rainbow and sunshine days (I think most of us are lucky to have rainbow moments!). I love my job. I love my students. I love teaching... but there are plenty of times when I think "why am I doing this??" The truth is that we weren't meant to be happy all the time. That is what makes those happy moments all the better when they do come.

L said...

Um, you pretty much described my daily life. I feel like Im miserable most days. Just not sure what Im doing with my familly/my life. Im forever lecturing, directing, correcting and yelling. Yes, I tell my kids I love them more times in a day than I can count. And I do feel so very lucky to have them. But in a normal day, I just dont even remember that.

A lot of the time, I am unmotivated, and frustrated.

I've seen you in action tons of times. You are a great mom. you raise your voice, you correct. But its done when its needed to be done. I love your kids, seriously. they are good kids, just testing their limits like any kid does. Its normal, its healthy for them to do that, much to our frustration.

Anyways, I get it. I really do.
We'll see you tomorrow. if you want, we can do a swap, one hour I have them, one you do, here at my house. Or we can take them out to wear them out.


Sugar and Ice said...

I think all moms feel like this from time to time. You will see the fruits...I promise :).

Renata said...

Galatians 6:9 "And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart."

We've only started to get to know one another but, trust me, I understand. There was a time when I dreaded getting up in the morning to continue the "battle". This verse has kept me going. One day I was talking to a friend and was telling her how much I wanted to be loving to my child, I wanted to have joy in raising him, I wanted to have peace in my household, and then I realized I was listing off the fruit of the Spirit. That stopped me in my tracks. It is so easy to walk in the flesh, but God will teach us to walk in the Spirit. And it is the Spirit of the Lord which will get you through the hard times.

And by telling you this, I am reminded of this same truth that I need to get through my own hard times (although surprisingly, it's not child-related at the moment). I also am having a hard time going through the hard times.

Thanks for putting yourself out there so that we realize we're not alone.

VICTORIA said...

OH, how I so know what you mean...imagine 2 more??? I think the change of season, the school year starting has effected me some. The incredible business of sports, games, practice, etc. Then, when I work, I feel like I never get stuff done anymore that I need to do. And, NO TIME FOR ME!!!
I have a hard time letting go and just being, having fun when there is still a mess to deal with is so hard. I have to loosen up or I will go insane!