Friday, March 31, 2006

Why is it?

I sit here and wonder, What is it, that is my calling?
I envy the artistic, I envy the writers, I envy the witty, I envy the ones who can speak well
But I shouldn't envy Why is it that I do?

Isn't what God gave me good enough? Why can't I use what he gave ME?
But what is it that he gave me? I am on a search
I want and need MORE, I feel empty, yet I am full

It is this constant war and I need to keep fighting
Why give up, and let the enemy prevail?
That won't help, it will only bring more emptiness

I have so many friends, yet have none
A random call or visit is nice, but I need more
I feel like there is this big secret, that I am not liked

Why is it that he needs to ruin it all
He ruins my mothering, he ruins my spousing, he ruins my friendships, he ruins all that I enjoy
Why is it? This enemy prevails

Why is it, that with HIM we have it ALL
But we make it too complicated, we can't accept it
We are promised life abundant by HIM our God

Why can't we grasp it? Why can't we accept it?
Why do we make it difficult and attach strings
When we can have it ALL

I will run to HIM, so I can find it, the thing that I was made for
I will keep trying, I will stand when I fall, I will keep on this journey
So I can have it ALL


Jason said...

What! I think you are great! You have such a servant's heart and a hard-working attitude that is impossible to not appreciate. You and Josh both bring a smile to my face with only the thought of how great of people the both of you are.

On top of that, despite the failings of human relationships, God is always enough. Friendships and even marriages will never be perfect and will always fall short of every one of your needs, so God is the best one to look for those things for anyway.

Love you guys!

Emily said...

I sense you're a bit discouraged Donna. I pray that He will fill you up today.

I think God purposefully doesn't give us ALL because we are on a very temporary road to the eternal. If we had it all now, would we remember Him, would we seek Him? The Bible talks about Him providing for our ULTIMATE good...I'm learning that, sometimes, what is eternally BEST for us is not what's best for us now. I don't want to be a downer. But the above comments when viewed in the right light, can encourage and inspire!

a. teacher said...

donna, you must have a view inside my heart, cuz i've been fighting the same fight.

take your emotions to the lord and tell him you don't know what to do with them. it's ok to feel all the things that you do. don't let your feelings lie to you, though.

Bek said...

you sound like a woman making advancements in the kingdom, that the enemy would try to set you back with lies. you sound like a woman asking the right questions and hungering and seeking and looking. and did u know those who diligently seek Him will find Him? its a promise. (prov. 8:17). you sound like a woman voicing many struggles "common to human". i remember my aunt telling me once, as advice for life, "just be yourself" and i said, "yeah, but what if i don't know who myself is?!" you sound like a woman on the brink of greatness. you sound like a woman greatly loved, who just needs a little reassurance. be assured, my friend. HE IS PROUD OF YOU TODAY AND LOVES YOU. and so do i. -- bek

Toni said...

just remeber your are a forenier in a land you are not seeking to be part of... your are seeking the kingdom and your heart longs to be their... in the mean time... you must love others as he has loved will find contentment in all circumstances bad or good, this does come with time and wisdom... but you will never feel full are ment for a higher calling... where is the spell check on this thing????

nursemomof4 said...

Wow! I totally know how you feel!

Paula said...

Thanks for the reminder to run to Him when we struggle. There is no better place.

Part of what He's been teaching me is that my identity needs to be firmly in WHO I am, not WHAT I do.

And who am I? A beloved daughter of the King of the Universe. Just like you.

Kat said...

i think that you are great! blessings on your journey to discover all the wonderful things that are uniquely YOU! He has a good plan for you and has gifted you for your adventure in life!!!

Anonymous said...

you are the mother, the wife, the woman whom many looked up to when you made the choice to stand for his glory with your husband at the alter. So many people did not know how to react in that situation, but you were cool and calm. You owned to mistakes, embraced the blessings, and forged a future with your amazing husband. You both are an inspiration - that's what the enemy is trying to lie about.

Anonymous said...

But the enemy can't cover up the facts :) You are a woman after the heart of wisdom (Proverbs 8).

Kimber said...

WOW!!! Thanks for giving us a look into the window of your soul...I was touched by your openness and honesty!!

I think many of us have faced similar questions (I know I have!!)...and are on the quest to figure out who we REALLY are!

I pray that you (and I) and so many others have the chance to see through the Father's eyes WHO WE REALLY ARE!!! And encourage you to keep fighting the fight...the enemy does NOT get to win!!!!

And what everyone has said here already is sooooo true, Donna - you are HIS daughter...a beautiful, loving, giving, and cherished princess of the MOST HIGH!! May you continue to see through HIS eyes!!

Drea said...

What a great post. I can relate to the friends thing... I dont feel I can be myself around hardly anyone... makes for a very lonely time... especially if my hubby is around... :(

I sang a song last sunday that helps me when I dont understand...

"The best laid plans Ive made... someone how always go astray! Lord keep me in your will.. so I wont be in your way. Put me where you want to. Not where I want to be! If I should ask for things I want... Just give me what I need! When I complain... from time to time... forgive me Lord I pray... Lord keep me in your Will.... so I wont be in your way"

Heres the link:

*its a practice track so its not the best...*

Grammabear said...

Donna I love your poem! And I love the ending, how you are determined to keep on running to HIM, to find it. You are right, in this life we are soldiers in the army of God, and every day the enemy is thinking of ways to attack us. We must every day be wearing the full armor of God.

Have you ever done one of those tests, to find out your spiritual gift? Are you walking in it?