Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Hard to be home

The last few days have been so blah. I dislike this cold weather A LOT. Hearing snow in the forcast makes me sick. I only appreciate snow on Christmas. Being away with Josh for the weekend was awesome. I loved every moment of it. It has been so hard to be back to life as we know it. It was so easy to be in awe of God in such a beautiful place. Just hearing the falls was amazing to me. I am SO bored with life. I am longing for the day I can spend more time with my husband become the best of friends. I love him and am so sad we made a foolish mistake and missed the time with each other without kids. It has been a long hard road we paved for ourselves. I am tired of feeling like our children are burdens and not blessings. I would never trade either of them for anything in the world. I am tired of cleaning, cooking, driving to and from Parma 2 times a day, having to shop for food, gifts clothes, gas...wasting my money on earthly things and not having any left. It is so hard to sit in a house that I appreciate but don't love. I need a change. I need more Jesus. I wish I could be more consistent in spending time with Him, I wish I could be consistant in everything. I lack consistency!! Very hard when you are trying to raise kids. I get so wrapped up in getting things done, I have no time for anything else. Why do we sit home all day instead of getting together with friends and family. Who cares about getting STUFF done. We need community, friends to love and laugh with. We need relationships with other loveers of Jesus to lift each other up, to be there for one another. Yesturday I decided I was going to start a "moms group" you know what forget "mom's group" what about a FRIENDS GROUP, A LOVERS OF JESUS WHO NEED MORE GROUP, we always talk about it, but never do it. I am doing it. We will meet one time before Christmas to share ideas, meeting places etc. and we will go from there. More detail to come.

I am longing for more of so many things. Hmmm... I think Angela's post made a lot of sense. It sparked a longing in me to long for more. Yeah and Bek's also. I need to be on constant (there goes that consistency thing again) in being in Faith for Josh's healing. I guess sometimes I forget because it isn't me going through it. But he still can't smell, see, taste or use his ankle 100%. he has neck and shoulder pain, memory loss, and he still smokes. He has been given the power over these illnesses. His problems have been paid for. Why do we loose hope. We cannot give up. Satan is at work in all of our lives daily and it makes me sick. We...ALL of us....need to not give up and take the promises that have been promised. We need to take a stand against the schemes of the enemy.

So I am venting..Thanks for listening!


Kelmo said...

oooh I like I like I like! I love hearing the passion that is being sparked inside of you and I agree with everything. AMEN!

amy said...

i'd love to join a friends group! donna, maybe we can do something over thanksgiving break?

Bek said...

Donna, i hear your heart. sounds like a deep cry for more of Him. Come Friday if you can - i think it'll be the fill up you need right now. we do need eachother, more than stuff. and we do need Him more than anything! it is hard to come back to reality when you have such a nice romantic time away with your best friend. your past mistake, though, isn't something tbat can't be fully redeemed. in fact, without His constant nearness, anything (even the most exciting of perfect life, i'm convinced) is still blah. so its only Him that makes all things sparkle and lovely. Please come to all of us, Lord, with current fresh words and undeniable real encounters and visit us with the joy and excitment of your personality.

Jason said...

This post felt more like a diary entry to me than most posts do. Fairly raw. Thanks for sharing yourself.

Drea said...

Oh Venting... yea I do that often to my friend over in the Czech Republic. We met in seminary and became instant friends! She is 28. A mom of 3 beautiful children (Sophie 2, Vance 3, and Chloe 4)... they are fixing to adopt a 4th! HEHE!!!

Any how. Life can be such a let down sometimes. Sometimes I sit around and wish things were different.. I'll think "What in the world and I doing here??! I'm 12 hours from any family... and I brought my parents only grandson all the way to Ohio...for what!!" And you know.... I realize then that even though my life right now might not be exactly as I want it.... its the way God wants it.
We came to Ohio to serve Christ... and to bring others to him. We felt a real burden for this community... and thats why we are here today.
Might not be easy.... but I'd rather have a little hardache in my life than a life without Christ.

Oh and FORREAL! START THE MOMS GROUP!!!!!!! Ohhh how I miss the seminary get togethers from a few years ago. All my CHRISTIAN friends all together w/ kids... playing games, cooking out. SUCH GREAT TIMES.
I wish I had something like that around here for me to go to... with other believers.

So I would 100% APPLAUD You for starting a group like that. If I had the space to do something similar I would :-)... our small 2 bedroom apartment on the top floor above old retired people probably wouldnt be the best place to schedule KID playdates :-) so maybe later in my life I can do that.

Any how. Got to get some sleep. I have to baby sit for a friend in the morning!

Take care... and vent any time! Helps I think.

-forgive typos. I didnt read through this before posting.

Autumn said...

:) we'll be in touch soon... I think I'm going to need some help in the next few days.

Jaime said...

I agree with Jason. And it's good to get things off your chest rather than keep them bottled up.

I always recommend to my newly married friends that they take atleast a year to be married and enjoy each other before they try to conceive. Although I think even people who have been married for several years before having children find themselves feeling the same way you do. Hang in there and take times to do the little things that you enjoy and bring you hapiness. And surround yourself with those friends - it will make such a difference! Yay for girls nights!!!