The last few days have been so blah. I dislike this cold weather A LOT. Hearing snow in the forcast makes me sick. I only appreciate snow on Christmas. Being away with Josh for the weekend was awesome. I loved every moment of it. It has been so hard to be back to life as we know it. It was so easy to be in awe of God in such a beautiful place. Just hearing the falls was amazing to me. I am SO bored with life. I am longing for the day I can spend more time with my husband become the best of friends. I love him and am so sad we made a foolish mistake and missed the time with each other without kids. It has been a long hard road we paved for ourselves. I am tired of feeling like our children are burdens and not blessings. I would never trade either of them for anything in the world. I am tired of cleaning, cooking, driving to and from Parma 2 times a day, having to shop for food, gifts clothes, gas...wasting my money on earthly things and not having any left. It is so hard to sit in a house that I appreciate but don't love. I need a change. I need more Jesus. I wish I could be more consistent in spending time with Him, I wish I could be consistant in everything. I lack consistency!! Very hard when you are trying to raise kids. I get so wrapped up in getting things done, I have no time for anything else. Why do we sit home all day instead of getting together with friends and family. Who cares about getting STUFF done. We need community, friends to love and laugh with. We need relationships with other loveers of Jesus to lift each other up, to be there for one another. Yesturday I decided I was going to start a "moms group" you know what forget "mom's group" what about a FRIENDS GROUP, A LOVERS OF JESUS WHO NEED MORE GROUP, we always talk about it, but never do it. I am doing it. We will meet one time before Christmas to share ideas, meeting places etc. and we will go from there. More detail to come.
I am longing for more of so many things. Hmmm... I think Angela's post made a lot of sense. It sparked a longing in me to long for more. Yeah and Bek's also. I need to be on constant (there goes that consistency thing again) in being in Faith for Josh's healing. I guess sometimes I forget because it isn't me going through it. But he still can't smell, see, taste or use his ankle 100%. he has neck and shoulder pain, memory loss, and he still smokes. He has been given the power over these illnesses. His problems have been paid for. Why do we loose hope. We cannot give up. Satan is at work in all of our lives daily and it makes me sick. We...ALL of us....need to not give up and take the promises that have been promised. We need to take a stand against the schemes of the enemy.
So I am venting..Thanks for listening!