Thursday, January 26, 2006

I think I handled this one very good


Last night Merci and Ethan were taking their bubble bath.
Merci was scrubbing the wall with her sponge.
She said "Mom go get ready for daddy, put on your best clothes, we are making a fun
night for you." I just looked at her and said OK. She continued.....
" I am scrubbing the walls so you and daddy can have SEX."
WHAT??
I couldn't keep a straight face, I was smiling and trying not to laugh. I asked her
what sex was. She said um, "It is when you take off, I mean when you have all of your clothes on and you kiss." I asked where she heard that. She said from Olivia. I told her that she shouldn't say that word, it was an adult word, and told her we would talk later.

Later that evening as I was putting her to bed. I asked her if there was anything else she wanted to tell me about what Olivia said, and told her I wouldn't be mad. I explained to her that she could talk to me about anything because sometimes kids get confused and talk about stuff they don't understand. She confided in me that you do take off you clothes when you have sex!
I again told her that she shouldn't use that word, it was for adults and went on to explain that sex CAN mean what gender you are. Hoping that would get her mind off getting naked and kissing. She seemed to get it. I did tell her that mommies and daddies do kiss. She then ventured to ask me if me and daddy had sex...Um...well of course not=)
I actually didn't answer her.

Oh boy! She is only 5. She is only in Kindergarten.
I will obviously be praying for God to cause a spirit of forgetfulness when kids talk
about these things.

Pray with us and for us as we embark on these very sensitive subjects.

I hate being the one with the oldest kid out of our circle of close friends.
Guys I don't know what I am doing...Help???

Any advice from mommies of older children?

16 comments:

Bek said...

spirit of forgetfulness, donna, you crack me up! obviously, i'm not a mommy of an older kid, but i say good job. sounds like a great way to handle it - drawing her out, then sort of diverting her mind to another meaning of it, etc. doesn't seem to me like she needs to know any more than that, being 5!! :) tell us what else you learn along the way - we're learning from you (and merci)!! :)

Paula said...

sounds like you handled that well. The "experts" say that you should answer the questions they ask, but give them no more. Unfortunately, my oldest was told enough by the neighborhood kids that she kept asking for more and more before I was ready to tell it all. But then, she let it go and went on to be a little girl again. I'm thankful the girls told her to ask me for the details at least instead of telling her everything!

Jason said...

5 years old? Hmm, I had no freaking idea what sex was. I was like 9 before I realized it had something to do with getting naked. In terms of sex, I guess I was a slow learner. I think my mom realized she never had "the talk" when I was a senior in high school so she tried to have it anyway. I think she was just a little late.

Bek said...

yeah, i didnt know what sex was til i was 10 (i saw a tv show and asked my mom where babies came from), but before then i don't even think i thought about it. but times are changing apparantly....:)

amy said...

well played, donna, well played. good idea to ask her more about it and not freak out - she could have had no idea and was just repeating. but, it seems she did have some sort of an idea. good with the "adult word". i use that with swearing, too.

not to really cause a panic, but today, one of my boys showed his man-part to one of my girls....thank god this didn't happen to merci. and pray that it doesn't!

i'm told it happens about once a year - i hope i'm done for the year then...

Crystal said...

Oh goodness Merci! Yes, good job Donna...hey you only have 2, I can't imagine how Beth felt having to explain it to 4 boys!

Autumn said...

this makes me laugh, but only for a minute...I know my day is coming...soon.

we've had some interesting observations of the kids when they run around naked and jump on the beds naked... they are quite aware that they're different!

Ben said...

I first started laughing...and then I felt really sad. Why do kids have to grow up so fast. You did a really great job with this situation. Unfortunately, there will probably come a time in the near future where you will have give Merci your version of the "sex talk", knowing that if you don't tell her about sex, her little friends will. My mom gave me the "sex talk" at the age of six, diagrams and all, and even at that young age I felt that I understood. Plus I stopped asking questions or talking about it, because I knew and understood sex, so it was no longer interesting or exiting to me. My interests went back to TONKA Trucks, LEGO's, and Lincoln Logs.

Jason said...

Yeah Linkin (Lincoln) Logs and Legos! My mom waited until much too late to have any useful talks with me. Good thing I didn't make any mistakes based on lack of understanding.

Kimber said...

Donna - I think you did GREAT! I agree with what everyone else has said...it is good to answer her questions without (freakying :) and it is also sad that kids get an earlier education than any of us parents are prepared for (usually)...We gave our son the "talk" at age 11..but I remember a few 'innocent' questions re: sex from him way before then - so we did the same, answered, reassured him, and didn't give more info away than necessary until he was a little older ;) I pray God will continue to give you wisdom re: this topic and protect your innocent little one at the same time!

bmoss said...

I never got The sex talk from my parents... And I remember when I did find out what really happens during sex. I just kept on saying "that goes where?? you got to me kidding!" hahaha I was way too innocent. Which now I am glad of.
I have lots of kids at school saying and asking all kinds of things. Kids definately lose their innocents way too early. Not only with sex but also violence. I am shocked by some of the movies my little ones watch. Some of these movies I won't even watch!
When I'm a mom I will try to protect my kids as long as possible but there are always Olivia's out there telling them things they don't need to know...
Donna, I think you did a wonderful job! You didn't over or under react. And I think it is good how you told Merci that sometimes kids might not understand adult things and that she can confide in you with anything.

Autumn said...

You could check some books out of the library.. there are some good ones that explain just enough for her age. Erik has a book called "The Story of Me" and it's pretty good. I'm sure there are many others.

nursemomof4 said...

Hmmm, sounds like an exact repeat of some talk I had with my oldest daughter in 1st grade. It all comes from someone sometime. Hers was a friend at school as well, who's mother had disclosed to her every word, everything at my horror, which got to my dtr. You can only be honest, and dislose only as much as they can handle as time goes by. Good Luck to you! Girls are a handful!

Jada's Gigi said...

Having 3 adult kids I think my number one piece of advice in raising kids is " don't overreact!" Sounds like you didn't and handled it just fine. I'm sure tomorrow will bring a new opportunity...lol

Drea said...

You handled that great Ang. My old fear is that she is just going to learn more and more way to early...
Shes in public school I take it.
Theres so many things wrong w/ the public school system... not just admistration things... but the exposure you let your kids experience. Kids dont need to know that stuff that early.
I didnt know it that early and I turned out fine.
My hubby was exposed to hard core porn at the age of 6 in school... and it caused nothing but hard times in his early high school years.

I dont want Caleb to experience that.
I will keep Caleb informed.. and educated. He wont be ignorant... but he wont be exposed to that sort of junk so early... phew

Drea said...

Donna I meant.. no ang :\