Tuesday, March 29, 2011


It seems I sit here and dream so much. Yet it seems like those dreams keep getting pushed away. All of them. I am so grateful for all I have, don't get me wrong. Things aren't peaches and cream but things aren't disastrous either. I know so many people have it worse than me. But how long can one wait for the dreams that have been put in their heart?? Some people can look at me and say I have what they want. I have 2 healthy, beautiful children, a 10+ year marriage that is pretty good (we all have little things to work on, so I cant say its perfect, we are happy and in love and that is the main thing). . My dream right now it to make a difference, to be someone and feel like I have accomplished something more than getting through each day.

Do you understand? I don't know if I do really. =)

I want to adopt. I want a new kitchen (the white floors, the white cabinets and 10 inches of counter space drive me to insanity daily). I want to go on a nice vacation. I want to know how to be a better mom and wife, because I'm sick of failing daily.

I have so many friendships I want to make better, but seem like I keep getting pushed away from those as well. Am I the only one with time for others??

I guess I'm just in one of those depressed places in life. I'm sure it wont last long. I know I will be fine, just need to get stuff out and then the feeling better starts.


Rachel Holloway said...

I truly hope good things for you...about all the stuff we talked about at lunch--adopting and such. I think you're an incredible mom. You may not feel like it (we ALL have days like that, that's for sure!) And I hope we can continue our friendship for a good long time! (even if I am moving away!) Hey, it'll give you a fun, warm place to come visit now! :)

amy said...

keep fueling the fire of dreams! remember god who was faithful before will be faithful again!

this is for me, too! we are dreaming and praying for this summer...

wish i could give you a {hug}! you are greatly loved and missed!

Renata said...

Oh, I totally understand what you mean. I had so many plans and dreams and they seemed to be pulled out from under me. And the past year has been one thing after another that has kept me from rebuilding my life as I saw it. Then about 2 weeks ago, I read this psalm and it has brought me hope:

Psalm 126:1-6 Psalm 126:1 A SONG OF ASCENTS.When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dream. 2 Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, "The LORD has done great things for them." 3 The LORD has done great things for us; we are glad. 4 Restore our fortunes, O LORD, like streams in the Negeb! 5 Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! 6 He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.

It was good chatting with you today. Thanks for "stopping by".